


Pieces of You

by Cirrius_Akiyo



Series: Love in the Dark [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Eddie Diaz, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Medical Inaccuracies, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Sick Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sick!Buck, Sickfic, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Songfic, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26302648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cirrius_Akiyo/pseuds/Cirrius_Akiyo
Summary: Eddie is not much a religious man, but he has always pray for God to take him first instead of Buck.Or,A soft fic with the two being so disgustingly in love with each other.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Love in the Dark [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812451
Comments: 10
Kudos: 139





	Pieces of You

**Author's Note:**

> I finally able to pen out this proper. :)
> 
> I initially wanted to post this story last week, but with the news of Chadwick Boseman passing, I just lost my will to function that weekend. 
> 
> I took my time mourning him, I still am. 
> 
> May he rest in power.

_You put all your faith in my dreams_   
_You gave me the world that I wanted_   
_What did I do to deserve you?_   
_I follow your steps with my feet_   
_I walk on the road that you started_   
_I need you to know that I heard you, every word_

_I've waited way too long to say_   
_Everything you mean to me_

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now_   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around_   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_   
_I'm everything that I am because of you_

///

Eddie pulls Buck's wrist into his hand, thumbing at the steady pulse beating underneath his fingertips, sinking into the feeling of warmth his husband emanated, which slowly seeping into his own skin. Buck doesn't stir, murmuring unintelligible nonsense once in a while, an indication that he is still deep in slumber. Normal people snore, but Buck, ever an idiosyncratic extraordinaire, converse. The first time Eddie encountered this, he was completely taken by surprise holding a (very minor) conversation with a sleeping Buck, much to his amusement.

_"You want waffles or bacon and egg for breakfast?" Eddie had asked, but when Buck did not respond, Eddie craned his neck to see that Buck had already asleep. So he just leave the question at that and continue to finish a chapter of his latest fix. But towards the end of his reading, he heard Buck said, "bacon."_

And they did have bacon the next morning to Buck's delight.

But during the first couple of nights of the hospital stay, the total silent had killed Eddie. Buck was laying there before him, but Eddie could hardly feel his presence. Although breathing, Buck had been void of life, not the way Eddie had accustomed to each night sleeping together. Things got worse when the nightmares started to riddle Buck's sleep, leaving him moaning in pain Eddie couldn't fathom nor save his husband from.

Eddie gingerly pulls Buck's hand and softly plants kisses on the long fingers that are interlaced with his. This ritual is often repeated before Eddie falls asleep and right after waking up, savoring each quiet fleeting moments. There will be a day when Eddie will not be able to feel the thumping anymore, which he prays to be far away from now. His selfish desire also wishes for God to take him first, saving him from the devastation of losing his husband and soulmate.

Silent night like this is peaceful in their own way, serving as the solace escape for his wandering thoughts.

Thoughts that he is too afraid to speak about, thoughts that might as well be buried with him later. Thoughts like how he is so deeply in love with Evan Buckley-Diaz, still and forever will. Thoughts like how Eddie wants to live in this moment eternally, not wanting let go. 

Eddie does feel guilty about his wishful thinking, considering how anguished Buck would feel if he is to die first. His husband surely will be devastated too. While it seems logical for Buck to feel sad for his demise, he does wish for Buck to move on, to be happy with someone new. Eddie doesn't think he could (although he's not even sure Buck would), but Eddie just couldn't, wouldn't. Eddie honestly thought his heart was beyond repair after Shannon voiced out about the impending divorce, and later followed by her untimely death, but Buck was there, picking up the shattered shards piece by piece and held them together with his presence, all the while giving pieces of him for Eddie to hold on to.

Both of them are not the same person they're married to few years back. This marriage is spiced up with growth and down days, creating beautiful mess along the path, but still definitely theirs. Their dynamics definitely has changed a lot. For one, Eddie has been more willing to delegate the shared responsibility in managing their house and son to Buck, and Buck had willingly accepted them in open and welcoming arms.

Thinking about the lost time forever had Eddie wailing silently deep down at the crevice of his heart. The time he was so deep in his own pettiness after the law suit fiasco. Eddie was not angry. He's far from it. He was hurt. Buck leaving had hurt him, completely blindsided him, leaving him confused and bruised. Later he understood why. He's in love with his best friend. That's why he reacted the way he did when Buck filed the lawsuit. They both were young and credulous, easily jumping into rash decisions. But if not because of their bad decisions, maybe Eddie will never understand his complicated feeling, which turned out to be fairly simple. Will never dare to explore the possibility of 'them', and will never know Buck reciprocated his feelings. So yes, they both grow from their past mistakes, and they surely will continue to maturate with time and turbulences.

If anybody asked what makes Eddie fall in love with Buck, he might need a spreadsheet or PowerPoint presentation to list all the reasons.

Loving Buck has always been easy. Not because he's easy on the eyes, that's a bonus mind you, but because Buck makes it easy to love him, flaws and all.

While Buck bares his heart and emotions for all to see, Eddie is more what they call as a closeted romantic, and a hopeless one at that.

Even though Buck is in constant need of validation and appreciation (despite his vehement denial), Buck still give Eddie the space he needed to express his love in his own way and time. Buck loves loudly while Eddie express his in the comfort of their own bubble and space.

If they are down on physical traits, it is a hundred percent eyes for Eddie. Buck's eyes has always been beautiful, the kind that able to entice Eddie to get lost in them. Eddie never get tired of swimming in the ocean blue of Buck's eyes, but Eddie also loves to cozy up on the red, plump, pouty lips that look so warm and inviting.

But most importantly, Buck has a beautiful soul, and Eddie always feel lucky to be embraced by them. His body might be broken and battered, but his spirit never cease to burn bright. 

Yet, Buck almost leaves him again, and Chris almost lose another parent twice, but from whole another reason. Reason that went beyond their control.

///

_I, I've carried this song in my mind_   
_Listen, it's echoing in me_   
_But I haven't helped you to hear it_   
_We, we've only got so much time_   
_I'm pretty sure it would kill me_   
_If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you_

_I've waited way too long to say_   
_Everything you mean to me_

///

"Can you mope a little quieter, please. Trying to sleep here. Doctor's order." Eddie heard Buck says against the pillow with eyes still shut.

"Just wondering how I got so lucky to be loved by you. You're willingly get stuck with us when you have all your freedom to choose." Eddie couldn't help but to smile and draw closer towards his partner before slinging his arms across Buck's back and pulling him into a loose embrace.

"Can you appreciate me some time later? I'm sleepy. And you being all broody is ruining my quality sleep." Buck mutters with a pinch of sass, despite being half-awake.

"You're lucky I love you enough to take this jest." Eddie plants a kiss on his husband's temple.

"I'm fabulous. What's there not to love?" Buck pries open an eye cheekily while wiggling further into Eddie's embrace.

Eddie lets out soft chuckles at Buck's confidence.

"Just stop putting more metals in your body. I don't want my husband turns into an evil cyborg." Eddie pleads, despite the light tone in his voice.

Buck had a titanium rod before after the firetruck bombing, and now cranium plates after his second brain surgery. The scar is almost hidden beneath Buck's hair now, but still visible with little prying. Eddie trails his finger along the rounded scar. These battle scars, the many on his leg included, proves how Buck amazingly cheat death in separate occasions. It feels like just yesterday Buck was wheeled out of the operating theatre from his second brain surgery, an open craniotomy, with his head covered in heavy bandages, a drainage sticking out of it. To see Buck's bloodless, hollowed face slack with unconsciousness, and the feeling of hopelessness that come with it, still tingles at the back of his neck.

"I promise I will not turn to evil cyborg if you go to sleep." Buck chimes in after seeing the far away look on his husband's blank face, effectively pulling Eddie back to the present.

"Loving you make me feel so amazing."

"Me too."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"No, I. LOVE. YOU."

"I know."

"No, I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around."

"I know that too, Eddie. And I too, love you more than you can imagine. I love you and Chris with my whole being."

"Don't leave us."

"Not a chance."

///

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now_   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around_   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_   
_I'm everything that I am because of you_

_I have a hero whenever I need one_   
_I just look up to you and I see one_   
_I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one_

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now_   
_I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around_   
_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_   
_I'm everything that I am_

_In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth_   
_As long as I'm here as I am, so are you_

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by Ben Platt's "In Case You Don't Live Forever".
> 
> Tell me about your opinion in the comment section :) and please, kudos really lift my spirit. ❤️
> 
> Visit my boring tumblr at @cirrius-akiyo


End file.
